Helping Your Child Deal with Change (Specifically Changing Schools)

“You’re changing schools!” can get a mix of reactions from students.  Some may be happy or excited for a change.  Others may feel the change is unfair, get angry, or feel sad because they will miss their friends and the place they feel comfortable.  They may be worried about making friends or that they may get lost at their new school.  They may tell you every single day why they don’t want to change schools and beg you to change your mind (or change the school district’s mind) or they may not say anything at all.  Sometimes, it is their behavior that will tell you that they are struggling with this change.  Whatever your child is feeling about the change is okay and they need to know that their feelings are validated.  Listen. But, they also need to know that change is part of life.  We cannot avoid it and it is through change that we grow the most.   This is a change we can’t control.  But, the one thing we can control is our attitude. 
1.       Listen to your child.  If he or she wants to talk to you about it.  Let them.  Validate their feelings and give them the opportunity to vent.  
2.       Be honest with your child about the change that is about to come.  Don’t make any promises you can’t keep (i.e.  “If you don’t like it there, you can go back to your old school.”)  If you changed schools as a child, share your coping strategies with your child. 
3.       Be excited about the change!   This will help your child’s anxiety turn into excitement. Anxiety about change is just excitement with a fear that things will not go well.  Tell your child all of the wonderful things you have learned about his or her new school.  Talk about how great a program is, a staff member is, or an activity you see on your new school’s social media. Pull up the new school’s social media and show them pictures of smiling, happy children at the new school.  If you are excited, that excitement will be contagious! 
4.       Connect with the Parents/Guardians of the friends they say they will miss the most. You and I know they will make new friends very soon, but if they know they can facetime or have a play date with their old friends too, that will make the move easier.  Take pictures at their old school/with their old friends as momentos. 
5.       When your child starts to imagine “what if” and is imagining things going wrong, ask them to imagine what could go right. Have them to describe or draw a perfect day at their new school.  You can even share this information with their new teacher or counselor.  Maybe we can make some of those things happen.  
6.       Visit the new school.  Take a tour.  Meet some of the staff.  Ask questions.  Allow your child to ask all of the questions they want.  Find out what resources are available to your child when they are feeling overwhelmed.  
7.       Connect with other families that are also changing schools. Your child is not the only one changing schools.  Help them connect with others that are experiencing the same change. Find time to get together for a play date.  Build a support system in the community. 
8.       Practice the morning routine if your transportation route or travel time has changed.  
9.       Get involved in the new school.  Join the PTA, Volunteer, etc.  If your child sees that the schools is somewhere you want to be, they will want to be there, too.  
10.    If you feel like your child is not adjusting well to the change, contact your school counselor.  I run groups to work with students dealing with change and teach coping skills.  

 Children's Books on Change:
First Day Jitters (Julie Danneberg & Judy Love)
Who Moved My Cheese for Kids (Spencer Johnson)
Wherever You Go (Pat Zietlow Miller)
The Cow Who Climbed a Tree (Jacqueline Davies & Sydney Hanson)
New School Jitters (Shunsee Wilson)
Amelia Bedelia's First Day of School (Lynne Avril)
The Berenstain Bears' Moving Day (Stan & Jan Berenstain)
The Brand New Kid (Katie Couric)
The Good-Pie Party (Liz Scanlon & Kady MacDonald)

 You can also find a PDF Version of this article along with some recommended articles to read on my website:  www.counselorjohnson.com (Visit the Parent Resources Link). 




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