The Psychology Behind Rioting

From Friday, May 30, 2020

The Psychology Behind Rioting
From Your Friendly School Counselor

Last night, I sat here talking to my husband about trauma and racism and police brutality and rioting and looting and I cried. I went to bed with a heavy heart and tossed and turned and couldn’t rest. I finally got up and went to sleep in the other room because I was so restless and I knew he had to be up at 5:30 this morning for work. This morning, I woke up with tightness in my chest as I immediately felt hurt for the people of this world. I looked at these pictures of what was my home city (Louisville) for more than a decade and I sobbed. The link to these pictures is in the comments. 

I want to say upfront that I am not condoning, justifying, or encouraging rioting, looting, or violence. However, I do want to encourage my white friends to be empathetic. To try to understand it. To try to imagine what it might take to push you that far. 

I teach my students several lessons on empathy throughout the year. We talk about all the things that make us different (race, religion, age, gender, income, etc.) They are HARD conversations to have with children, but they are necessary. I teach them that when we initially disagree or make assumptions about people, that empathy is trying to put yourself in their shoes. It is trying to imagine what it’s like to live their life. It’s knowing that every single person you meet has a story that we know nothing about and if they are willing to tell you their story, their perspective, why they are upset, it is always our job to LISTEN. Listen to other people when they are hurt and angry. Don’t talk. Don’t tell them how they should feel or what they should do, but listen. 

Understanding and teaching others about trauma has been my passion for more than a decade, now. What you need to know is that when people are reacting to their trauma, their behaviors don’t usually make sense to others. I had a young boy in my office one day (I’m leaving out enough details that you won’t be able to identify who this child was or which school I was working in at the time for confidentiality), tearing the posters off of my wall and ripping them up, throwing my personal belongings around the room, flipping over furniture, etc. He came at me with a stapler, scissors, spit in my face. When I was able to restrain him (in a safe way as I am trained to do in order to keep him, myself, and others safe) and he finally calmed down, he immediately hugged me, climbed into my lap in the rocking chair I had in my office, and told me he loved me. I was his person that he felt safe with. I was someone he knew he could count on to keep him safe. Yet, here he was tearing up everything and making me feel unsafe. It makes no sense. Did I scold him? Did I tell him to respect authority? Did I threaten consequences for his behavior? No. I asked him to explain what had him so upset. I asked him how I could help. Just like I have over and over and over again in my 20 years as an educator. This young boy had been repeatedly molested and his molester would say to him, “Don’t you move and don’t you say a word until I’m finished” during these incidents. Guess what his teacher had said to him that day when he was struggling to stop talking and stay in his seat? Like many kids from trauma, he had trouble controlling his impulses and sitting still and being quiet are just not two things his little mind and body could do at the time. Trauma often looks a lot like ADHD. But, those words his teacher said was a trigger for him. His mind went to a different place and time where this man was telling him not to move and not to say a word and he began to act irrationally. To do things that made no sense to his teacher, his classmates, to anyone witnessing this event. I was able to get him to leave the classroom he had destroyed and come to my office where he was starting to calm down. But, then another adult (trying to be helpful) opened the door and scolded him, which resulted in the riot that occurred right there in my office. This boy was not trying to say “I hate you!” He wasn’t wanting to hurt me. He wasn’t thinking logically. He was scared for his life. He is brain (which I could tell you all about brain function right now, but I’ll skip that part) was telling him to FIGHT! FIGHT! 

When I look at these photos and videos, I see people who are hurt and when people are hurt over and over again it turns to anger. And, when people are angry enough, they act in irrational ways. Sometimes, even counterproductive to what you want to prove. I see it from those who don’t understand, “What does looting a Target have to do with police brutality?” “What does destroying a city have to do with racism?” “They are just proving that black people are violent and dangerous!” On the surface, it does seem that way. But, we have to dig deeper. We have to get below the iceberg to what lead to this level of protest. They may not have known these people personally, but when they look at them, they see themselves. They see their black children and spouses and friends. They feel connected as though they “know” someone they’ve never met. Haven’t you felt that way before? They say that “Rioting is the language of the unheard.” They’ve tried peaceful protests and we didn’t listen. They tried taking a knee during the National anthem to protest and it was mocked and ridiculed. They tried standing with their arms raised and they were met with tear gas. The problem is still there. And, so it escalated to where we are now. It can be further escalated or we can start to de-escalate the situation. I’ve watched people in authority poke and push and escalate situations that they should be de-escalating. 

I look at these pictures and I am certain that every person in those photographs is scared for their lives. The protesters and the police officers. I would be scared to death if my husband were an officer of the law having to stand there and try to protect people and buildings. I am afraid for my friends who work in law enforcement, too, because people are assuming that they stand with the bad guys. They deserve our respect, too. I would be scared to be anywhere near any of that on either side. I look at the faces of those black officers and I try to imagine what they are thinking and feeling. People are hurting and crying out like that little boy in my office at school. They aren’t going about it in the best way, but let’s try to hear what they are saying underneath all of the rioting and looting. Afterall, they are rioting about something important, a cause that is way more important than burning couches, vehicles, and destroying businesses because your sports team lost (or won) or whether or not you should have to wear a mask in the grocery store. If you are bearing arms in your home because you don’t want the government to control you, that tells me you have a point where you would be pushed to violence, too. This is their cause. Their cause is important. Their voice is important. Let’s listen. Let’s try to understand. Let's stop dismissing them as "thugs" and threatening to shoot them in return. Let's hear what they are trying to say, like I tried to hear that little boy in my office (and the many other children that have done the same). Let’s pray. Let’s love others as Christ has loved us. And, “as Christ” means that we love others so much we are willing to die for them. Many of the people I see in these pictures are willing to die to make a stand for change. I don't want to see more people die for their beliefs, but I also recognize that we are at a point in history where we must be willing to.